Final thoughts of the month

Written 17/12/2025 - oh dear!

UGH.

I am so relieved to finally be DONE with this month (over halfway into the next one...)

I feel like I have been so... down over the past 5-6 weeks. And yet I barely remember anything that I actually did! Part of that I think is that my work has been so... draining. I have been stuck on the same software for over a month! It was a much more complex feature than anticipated to add to the project I am working on at my job, and thusly that has required more testing and then updating everything after it all broke after other people's work had been merged in. And it has just left me feeling like I can't do my job. And also I have been putting so much mental energy into my job, when normally I feel like I have a better work-life balance.

And my coping mechanisms haven't been the healthiest necessarily -- playing video games (Pokemon Legends Z-A mainly) or just scrolling on my phone and eating unhealthily. I'm also behind on my reading, when I had been reading a lot more this year overall (I am a bit stuck on the book I am reading, but that feels more like an excuse than anything).

And so I haven't been giving myself enough time for this project, because it felt like more effort. Or a 'waste' of my time? Even though it is a better (and honestly more enjoyable) use of my time than just scrolling on my phone -- which to be honest, I don't even enjoy doing but get compulsions to do so often?

On the one hand, I have accepted that my final project will go into January -- and that's okay. This is a personal journey, not a work deadline! But also, I know I need to really think about why I am doing something. Like this project IS important to me, and deserves to get prioritised sometimes!